We are constantly told that we are a burden. That we are dangers- to ourselves and to others. For some of us, this is true. Sometimes, the voices tell us to do violent things. Sometimes, we unintentionally hurt those around us. Many times, we intentionally hurt ourselves. Then there are the other times when we watch our families struggle with the bills for our medication and the cost of the ambulance ride that we took after a botched suicide attempt, the times when we wonder if we have some purpose other than to zap society dry of its recources only to prove an unfortunate mishap. These are the times when the Zyprexa, Risperdal and Abilify don't seem to be worth it anymore.
To us, stigma is not misconception, prejeduce or fear. Stigma is the guilt, the shame, and the isolation that we feel. Often times when we are out of reach, or when we seem like we've fallen off the edge, the illness itself isn't the only culprit. Stigma can drive us away further than even the dellusions or hallucinations can. We, like everybody else, want to feel like we're worth something. That can be an incredibly daunting task when the media and those around us are constantly reminding us of what a burden we are.
The problem doesn't require pretending that we don't drain our loved ones of a considerable amount of material and emotional resources. And one should never act soley on an obligation they perceive they have to us. Don't pretend that we can live a normal life, or have normal relationships if we can't. Just let us try to make our lives mean something, even if our lives are contained to ourselves. We are different than others. Often those differences can mean the end of relationships and the begining of a new and more difficult time for everyone around us. But the basic human need to mean something still applies to us.
There will come a time when many of us will, inevitably, fall off the edge. But if there was meaning behind that fall, even if it's one you don't entirely understand, it was worth it. And I would do it again.
